Give me Normalcy
by May Braylen
Summary: After the happenings of 5x06, Mickey has a few heart to hearts. My own take on how things pan out after Ian enters the hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Wrote this at 5 in the morning. I'll fix any mistakes later on. I just, I wanted a scene when Mickey went home. Enjoy.**

It had been hours now, since Mickey saw Ian walk into that psych ward, yet he was still so shaken. The Gallagher's had to practically drag him away from the gated hallway. It wasn't until he felt the small Gallagher, Carl, tug at his shirt that he left. He was silent on the drive, his mind spinning and body numb. The thought of Ian in there all alone, it made his stomach knot in a disgusting way. He wanted to puke, to expel all of these damn _feelings. _He didn't know how to handle feeling like this, helpless, scared, angry, and so fucking relieved all at the same time. It wasn't in the Milkovich way. Then again, maybe it was good that a Milkovich was finally starting to feel something.

After his mother had died, he remembered how his father was. He didn't cry. No, he didn't grieve, or at least on the outside. Terry Milkovich is a lot of things, but he loved Mickey's mother. He had to give him that. His brothers, Mandy and him all lived in fear of him after she died. He'd beat the crap out of any one of them if they even dared mention her name. Their own mother had become a forbidden topic in the house. They weren't allowed to grieve for their loss, because it was weakness. Milkovich's aren't weak. Except. They are. They're so terrified of the world around them, and it's so blatantly obvious.

Maybe if Terry had felt something. Let himself grieve, maybe, _just_ maybe he wouldn't be as bad as he was now. Maybe Mickey would have his father back. It wasn't going to happen though, and with him out of the closet now, he was sure the next time he saw Terry there would be a shiv with his name on it. He sat alone now. Yev was asleep with Svetlana, and Iggy was out getting the cash to pay the towing bill to get the car back. Mickey's mind drifted to Iggy. Fuck. He never thought Iggy would be like this after he came out. As siblings they were always close, but not as close as he and Mandy were.

Iggy had always been the one to get shit done when it needed to be, following in their father's footsteps the best he could. So, when he had found out Mickey was gay, it was a surprise he accepted it so well. All he did was toss Mickey a beer and lit a cigarette. Normal. Like nothing had changed. Mickey needed that in his life, and he was glad Iggy was there to give him some semblance of normal. With Mandy gone, he felt like he was going crazy, but Iggy was helping. Iggy always helped.

At that Mickey's attention turned up, the Milkovich in question come through the door, "Got the car back." he said with a surprisingly soft voice, probably because Mickey's face was streaked with tears. The distraught brother quickly rubbed away the wet tracks and nodded once, "Filled up the tank and everything, so it'll be good to go for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Mickey asked, taking a long swig from the piss warm beer in front of him, trying to act _normal_. Iggy made a face and took the beer away from Mickey and got a new one from the fridge. Drink a warm beer was like some kind of crime. If his brother was going to drink, it was at least going to be a cold one.

"I figured you go see Ian." he said, flopping down by his younger brother, his gaze careful. He didn't like how tired he looked, or how his hands were shaking. Anyone would be a little riled up after all of this though, it was only normal. Iggy sighed at that though, shit, if this was their normal they were pretty fucked up. Mickey took a slow sip of the cold beer, grateful that he was given another one considering how he had to answer Iggy.

"Nah, can't fuckin' go." he said bitterly, spatting out the words like they were laced in poison, "The fucktards their have some seventy-two hour policy. Can't go see him until after that...he has to be all alone in that shithole until then." those words had Mickey tearing up, and he picked up the beer, downing it in one shot. He couldn't do this. He couldn't keep thinking about Ian being in there, it was killing him. It was absolutely tearing the younger Milkovich apart. This was his fault after all, wasn't it? He should have gotten Ian help when he saw that he wasn't well. He didn't want to believe his partner was this sick though, he wanted to pretend everything was just fine. They were a happy little family. Him, Ian, Yev and fuck, even Svetlana. He had come to respect her as the mother of his child, but they still fought more than they should.

"Mick, Jesus-" Iggy reached out, seeing his brother crumbling in front of his very eyes. Mickey hadn't even realized that he was barely breathing, choking on frustrated sobs. He wanted Ian back. He wanted his sister back. He wanted things to go back to normal. Was that so much to ask? How much shit was he supposed to go through before he shattered completely? Mickey Milkovich could take so much, but he was only human and he even forgot that sometimes. Iggy reached out, draping an arm around Mickey's shoulder and just pulled him a little closer.

It reminded the older Milkovich of when they were kids, Mickey was always a scrappy, scrawny little shit, but he had a big heart. He remembered this one particular time, Colin and Jamie had killed a bird Mickey was trying to catch as it hobbled around on an injured leg. Mickey cried for days, and Iggy had to carry him inside and lock him in their room so Terry didn't see. Iggy had to be the one to tell Mickey that he couldn't act like that, or their father would give him a reason to cry. Mickey was only five. After that, Mickey hadn't cried. No, he made sure of it.

Iggy had always blamed himself for emotionally stunting his younger brother, despite what many thought. Iggy wasn't stupid. He wasn't the best in school, hell, he had dropped out, but he was far from stupid. Iggy knew the world. He knew how it worked, and he knew how much is sucked. He had wanted to do nothing more than support and protect his siblings. Mandy was gone, so Mickey was the one he had to focus on right now.

"Listen..." Iggy started, "This fuckin' sucks man. It fuckin' sucks that a kid like Ian got the short end of the damn gene pool, but he's smart. He'll get this help, okay? He'll wise up, and he won't let you down this time. I believe that." he shook Mickey a bit, "You hear me? He's family, and I will be fuckin' damned if I let another person in this family slip away from us." Mickey brow furrowed at that and his head craned up to stare at his older brother like he had six heads.

"I'm cryin' like a fuckin' girl..." Mickey grumbled out, taking a deep breath and digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes, " I just...I should have told him I loved him, ya know? I should have just fuckin' said it when he first asked me. M-Maybe..." God, his voice was breaking, "He wouldn't have run off. He wouldn't have gotten that shit job. He wouldn't have gone off the deep end. It's my fuckin' fault. It's all my fault, and I can't forgive myself." Iggy didn't like hearing this, his chest aching as he clung tighter to his little brother. He could just see that scared little kid again.

"Bi-polar is all sorts of unpredictable...I did some research. Meaning, I Googled it, but anyways-" he didn't want to get off topic, "That disease can like seriously fuck with a person, and if it wasn't this it would have been something else to set him off, Mick. It could have happened at anytime. You two have a fucked up pasted, but you guys have a future too." Iggy paused, wanting a smoke about now. All of this emotion was draining, he didn't know how Mickey did it. "You did everything you could have done, you didn't know shit would get this bad. None of us did, or we would have taken care of Ian sooner. You know that."

Iggy smiled a little, "Gallagher's are like cockroaches man, you can't kill them. They have this inhuman way of getting back up. You remember how many times we'd knock around that brother of his and that bastard would get right back up. Ian's the same, he'll never really leave you."

That made Mickey laugh, a throaty, hiccuping laugh, but a small smile was on his cracked lips none the less, "Fuck...you're right." he laughed again, shaking his head, "Fuckin' Gallagher. He's fucked me up."

Iggy shook his head at that, "Nah, man...I think that Gallagher has been good for you. You're more of a man than any other fuckin' Milkovich. You know that, right?" Mickey snorted at the comment and shook his head, he was done with all this sappy shit for the night. He yawned, shrugging out of his other's hold, and leaned back against the worn sofa.

"Yeah well...that's not sayin' much, we didn't have a great role model to base that off." Mickey closed his eyes, exhaustion weighing down on his shoulders, "Iggy?"

"What?" the other muttered out, feeling a little better now that Mickey was through crying.

"I need one more favor from you." the brother's lulled their heads to the side to look at one another once more. Iggy just nodded, he'd do anything and Mickey knew that, "Can you trail the younger Gallagher? That kid is going to get into some deep shit if he's not careful, he's a good kid, he doesn't need to go down the same path we did.

"The black one?" Mickey groaned, making a face. Oh, Iggy.

"No, not the fuckin' two year old. Carl, the one with the bust leg. He's dealin'. Just trail him for a few days? I couldn't help one Gallagher in time, let's see if we can keep this one from fuckin' up." Not that Ian fucked up, but Mickey liked Carl. The kid had spunk, and he was smarter than he looked. Besides, it was Ian's brother, which made it Mickey's family. Family fucking sticks together.

"Not a problem." Iggy grinned, "I'll be like James Bond or some shit." he said with a toothy smile, causing Mickey to let out a frustrated noise.

"James Bond didn't spy on kids..."

"So?" He said with a shrug, rolling his eyes before speaking one last time, "He knows you love him, by the way."

Mickey's gaze snapped back up to Iggy's and he nodded once, "I hope so..."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I needed to write more. Oops. Hope you guys are enjoying all this pain as much as I am. Two weeks is an awfully long time, so maybe this will ease that wait.**

There he was, seventy-two hours later and not a second late. He had wanted to go alone, but Fiona had insisted she come with. It was fair enough, she was his sister after all and it wasn't like Mickey could just tell her to fuck off. He wanted to talk to Ian alone, he wanted to say things to him he didn't want the others to hear. They didn't need to know about all the things Ian had been up to in the last few months, between the suitcases and the porno. Mickey just needed to get all of this out to him, us his words. He just didn't know if he could do that in front of the eldest sister.

Mickey sighed as he paced the waiting area, icy orbs darting along the sterile surfaces and white walls. Fuck, it really did feel like a nut house, and all Mickey could think about is all that shit you hear about mental hospitals. Patients being abused. Killing themselves. Doctors using patients in inappropriate ways. So help him, if anyone dared to do anything to Ian he'd go homicidal. He wouldn't hesitate to bash someone's head in if they touch him. Ian's sick, and if some creep offered a fuck in exchange for something, he wouldn't doubt Ian would take it. God. It made Mickey want to puke again.

He had in fact thrown up multiple times in the last two days, nerves alone upsetting his stomach. He couldn't handle all of this, especially now that Svetlana had started throwing Ian's shit out. Mickey had to haul it all back inside, and if it was out again when he got home he was going to flip. Ian wasn't going to leave. He wasn't allowing it. A hand on his shoulder made Mickey tense, his head snapping back to see Fiona staring at him. Had she said something? He hadn't heard her say anything. So, Mickey yanked away from her touch for good measure. He didn't much like Fiona out of all of the Gallagher's. It just seemed to him that her family was the furthest thing from her mind sometimes. While he was dealing with Ian, she was God knows where. Who lets there phone die when they have a brother who had just went missing? Didn't seem right. Fiona meant well, but her head was in the clouds.

"You're making me dizzy, just sit down and wait." she said, and Mickey had to scoff, "You pacing isn't going to make them bring him out any faster." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the heavy door, just wanting to see Ian. To make sure he was okay. He wouldn't be alright himself until he saw his ginger lover in the flesh.

"Do you think he's doing alright in there? You think he's letting them help him?" he asked, his face set in stone, "I can't help, but fuckin' think the worst. You know? I just...I want him to be better, to be happy again. That's not too much to ask right?" Fiona nodded, crossing her own arm over her chest to mimic Mickey's motion. She felt terribly guilty for the way everything had went down the other night, she should have been with them to pick Ian up from the police station. Instead Jimmy had her so fucked up in the head that all she could do was run to Gus's for the night. God, that was a different time, different place kind of thoughts. She didn't want to think about that mess right now.

"I'm sure he's alright, Mickey. They have some great doctor's here. They'll take care of him." she hoped at least. She'd be lying if she didn't admit she was worried. Honestly, Fiona had no idea how she hadn't gone completely grey from the constant stressors in her life. At this rate it should have happened by now. It was then that the heavy doors swung open, and Mickey could have collapsed with exhaustion upon seeing Ian upright and breathing. It wasn't long before he noticed how glazed over Ian looked, and he closed his eyes for half a second. Of course he'd be drugged. Fiona reached out for Ian before he had the chance to, a wave of jealousy watching over him, but he couldn't help but smile softly. Ian was alive and that's all he could ask for.

As soon as Fiona moved away, Mickey was in front of his lover, hands coming out to rub at his bare arms. He was cold, and maybe it was the awful yellow they had him in, but he looked sickly, "Hey..." he whispered, catching a hazy green gaze, "How ya holdin' up?" Mickey asked, getting a small nod and a whispered '_okay'_ in response. He let out a soft sigh, and tugged him in for a tight hug, a hand coming up to smooth down the back of his head. Mickey didn't want to let him go, but he knew they all needed to talk, which again, he was dreading a bit. It was only when Fiona cleared her throat that Mickey let go of Ian, but still kept a firm grip on his hand as he led them to all sit.

Ian sat on the small table and Mickey's brow furrowed, taking a seat in front of him. He didn't know how to start this conversation, but apparently Fiona did, "What did the doctors say? Have you been cooperating?" Ian nodded once, biting at his lower lip anxiously. He looked uncomfortable, fingers playing with the hospital bracelet that was tight around his wrist, "Ian?" Fiona pushed, wanting to get answers out of him with their limited time.

"Y-Yeah...Yeah, I'm being good." Well, when he wasn't trying to get out while someone wasn't looking that was. He had been shoved into more walls in the past seventy-two hours than in the time he worked at the club. Except this was him being restrained and poked with needles. It wasn't pleasant. Not that any of the times he hook up at the clubs were pleasant. It was just primal. It was to get off. It was just to release. He didn't feel he could even control himself when he got like that, he did it most times just to get the money. Guys paid better if you put out a bit, so Ian did. Even if he couldn't look at himself in the mirror after. He hated who he saw there.

"Ian?" Mickey's voice drew him back, "You listening?"

Ian shook his head with a small frown, "Sorry, yeah...I'm a little out of it. The doctor's said...She thinks I'm bi-polar." the words choked him, "She said if I take the medication. If I...If I come to to therapy that it'll be manageable. I can go home." his gaze flickered up to Mickey, he didn't know where his home was though at this point. He had cheated on Mickey. Ian had cheated so many times, and it was so sickening that he could do that to him. "I can go home at the end of the week, as long as I behave and...and don't cause any scenes."

"Ian, that's fantastic." Fiona said with a bright smile, reaching out to take his hand in her own, squeezing tight, "We'll make sure you get taken care of, we're not ignoring this. We won't let you down." she whispered, tears leaking out of her already red-rimmed gaze. Things had been so tough the last few days, it was taking a physical toll on everyone in the family. Mickey's brows were knitted together though, lips in a tight line. What had he meant by that?

"What kind of scenes?" Mickey asked in a worried tone, "What happened?" Ian's face paled considerably and he shrugged a little, tugging absently at the bracelet once more.

"They're just strict here." he murmured, afraid to look at Mickey at this point, "They don't take shit, if you act out in any way. They sedate you." Ian cracked a pathetic smile, "Apparently, I'm a handful." Mickey was seeing red. They can just sedate people like that? Ian could have been acting that bad, could he? Hell, if someone tried to keep him in here Mickey would be stir crazy as well. Mickey reached out and squeezed Ian's knee, his voice coming out in a snarl.

"You'll be out soon. Just, do what the pricks say. Take your meds and..._fuck_ Ian, just get the help. That's why we're here. That's why we made you admit yourself. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep going back and forth with this shit, you needed this help. You really did." His hand was shaking so hard Mickey tugged back, missing the way Ian seemed to deflate from the lack of contact. Fiona sighed a bit at the display and stood, their visiting time almost up. She hated that they had to leave so soon, but they'd be back. She'd make sure of it.

"Mickey, it's time to go..." the eldest Gallagher said gently, but Mickey shook his head. He glanced over to her and nodded once, speaking in an eerily calm voice for a Milkovich. Guess he was full of surprises lately.

"I'll be right out...I just, I need a minute with him." Fiona understood, those two needed privacy and she wasn't one to get in the way of that. She gave Ian one last hug, and a kiss to his cheek before leaving. On the way out, all she could think about was how _jealous_ she was of the relationship Ian and Mickey had. They were so in love. _So_ in love that it was almost sickening. The way they looked at one another, the way she watched Mickey around Ian in the hospital. It was so clear those two had something Fiona hadn't found yet. She had passion with Jimmy, and safety with Gus, but _true love?_ Fuck, she didn't know anymore. She had been fucked one too many times to know.

Back inside, Mickey shifted to cup Ian's cheeks in his warm hands, just letting his thumbs brush against the ivory skin. Mickey wanted to get sick, he didn't want to ask the next question, but he had to know, "Ian..." his voice cracked, "How many guys?" the Milkovich muttered, "I need to fuckin' know before I go completely postal. I need to know..." Ian started tearing up, fat tears spilling over in mere seconds which made Mickey feel terribly guilty.

"I...Four? Five? I think..." he whispered not wanting to lie anymore, hiccuping as he pulled away from him to get up quickly, "They didn't mean anything to me...it was...it was just..." he was crying hard now, the effects of the drugs he was on making Ian incredibly sensitive. Mickey got up as well, grabbing Ian's wrist before he could go anywhere. He believed him, it fucking hurt, but Mickey believed that it was nothing.

"Why?" he asked, "Ian? Why did you hook up with those men?" _Was he not good enough? _That's what he had originally thought, hell, Ian was gorgeous and he could get any guy with a snap of his fingers.

"I-I...I don't know, okay? It was like...I was outside my body or...or it was for the money. I fuckin' hate myself Mickey. I do...I fuckin' hate what I have done to you. You...You have every right to break things off with me, but I...I never wanted it to end like this. I'm sorry." Ian yanked away, crying hard as a few of the nurses rushed in to his aid. Everything went so fast that Mickey wasn't sure what was even happening. Suddenly Ian's back was too him, and their was a heavy hand on his chest to hold him back.

"That's enough for today, Mr. Milkovich. Come back another day." the nurse spat, as if it was Mickey's fault, letting her had drop from his chest. The thug was fuming, Ian put words into his mouth, and now he was going to be thinking this shit all night.

"Wait! Ian! Who the fuck said I wanted to end things?!" he yelled, but the nurses were dragging Ian away and with all the commotion, Mickey didn't know if he even heard him, "_Fuck!_" he hissed, dragging a hand down his face.

_This wasn't fucking over._

_He'd come tomorrow._

_Things would get set straight then._


End file.
